Counting And Hoping

One thing that had been in my mind, what do you really want? Yesterday night, i realised what i really want, I wanted her, I just wanted that's all, i don't care how people commented or how people looked at us, don't matter how hard we will be go through, i will hold on and continue to breathe with you, cause you are my breath of living on, you showed me what's important in my life, you showed and lighted my life with your love, you showed who's do really care me, you showed me how go on, no tears could really solved the problem, you showed me my weakness and showed me i'm not that tough that i thought i always was. I want the feeling that you are beside me, thinking of hugging you every second, hoping of meeting with you, counting the days, having the desire of having you in my life, i can't lose you in my life, you gave me love, you showed me how to love again, you gave hope, you gave me target of living on, you showed that you are always there for me, i love you, this love is nothing but true. Every questions you answer for me in my mind.

Every night i was think, why i can't really study well, this question is always in mind, no matter how hard i tried, every time my mind just gave me the reaction is go sleep much easier, why have to suffer? Hate it every time this kind of situation happens, changing myself, trying!! But why can't i really change? Is it i didn't put too much effort in it? Is really crazy thinking of all these boring question, but it really do affect me a lot. ==

Cried last night, i was thinking why am i really crying? Is it because what mummy said? Or i cried is because i haven't cried for a long time? After crying, feeling very exhausted, sleep straight away, feeling so tired now. Feel to do nothing and make myself numb then go think what's for my future? I don't want give my mum anymore promises, just a excuse for her to scold me, i hope she will give me some time and i could really change myself, i hope she does really understand what problems i'm having then to see the results and not solving the situation with scolding or nagging. Is it study can have a bright future? Is it study well can really help my family? Is it study well can prove a lot of things? Is it study well can give relief to my parents? Is it study well can change everything? If does, should been hating myself for not doing good in my studies? Feeling dizzy and confused of all this questions in my head, stupid coconut head, nothing to do but just chasing girls? LOL.... == I just want a long and steady relationship, that's all. All i ever wanted is a person to love and be as long as we can really hold, many answer to my question, i can't give up and show any weakness now, now is the time to hold on to continue to love and to continue to prove to her.

I'm sorry,

I can't be perfect,

I try hard to make it,

I just want to make you proud,

Nothing' gonna change the things that you said,

I will prove to you i really can do it

She is the one,

The only one i always wanted.

Love my dear. ♥